I really wish I didn’t have to do this

There are things in life that really, really, really, REALLY suck, but you have to do whatever it is that sucks. This is one thing I never wanted to do. I never wanted to end this relationship with you. You make me happy, but we are just going too far. We are going down a road with a cliff drop off and if we keep going we are going to fall off. Also, sadly, it seems you just don’t care as much about me as I do about you. You are a great guy. You make me smile. It seems I only make you smile when I do things that you want me to do to you. You are so stressful. I can’t take the stress anymore. You will be an amazing friend. You had the potential of making a great boyfriend. You would have been if you didn’t listen to your friends so much and made up your own mind. You would have been a great boyfriend if we hadn’t gone so far so soon. You would have been a great boyfriend if you didn’t flirt so much with other girls. You would have been a great boyfriend if you cared. I love you as a friend and one day maybe more. But until we both get our acts together, we need to end this. I hope one day we can be more. But even if we won’t, at least I have your friendship. And that’s all I need. This is the best way to show me you care about me. To be my friend and no benefits is the best way to show me how much you care about me and how much you really do like me. I hope to always be friends.

I really hate being led on

Sometimes, whenever you really like someone, you put up with their crap a lot. But there comes a point where you just have to give up. Me and this guy have had a “thing” for about 3 months. We aren’t dating and I like him, but he’s always fickle. He’s always saying yes I like you or no we’re just friends. Well, I am done with being led on. I am tired of being treated as his second choice when the the other girls he apparently likes doesn’t like him back. I’m not saying goodbye quite yet, but I am not standing by to his make out buddy anymore. He’d better either date me or tell me goodbye. BTW to any guys out there that read this, girls hate guys that play games. And girls, don’t play games. Just say yes or no for God’s sakes!

I’m really, really bad at blogging ha ha

Well, let’s just say that blogging isn’t really my thing. I guess I don’t really like the idea of the whole world knowing my emotions. But I suppose it’s time to share what’s been happening in my life.

On January 8th, my world was turned upside down. I moved from the city I had been raised in my whole life, to another city across the state! It takes roughly three hours to get from my new home back to my hometown. I struggled with depression and homesickness for about three weeks. Things started to look up. That is until one night getting a text message that my good friend Brittany had been in a car accident.

She and some of her friends had gone to a town close to their college to go shopping and have a girls weekend. As they were coming home at around 11 at night, a truck went over the median of the highway and hit them going roughly 60 miles per hour. The driver of the other car wasn’t drunk, he was confused about where he was. He thought it was a turn lane. My friend got a concussion. A friend of ours told the she was lucky to be alive. The car was totaled. In fact, the whole front in was smashed like an accordion. Because of the terrible treatment she got at the hospital, she had to return to the emergency room FOUR TIMES because something was messed up with her eyes.

On top of that, a friend of mine’s cousin committed suicide that week. He was seventeen years old. Only about two years older than myself, and he committed suicide. The fact that I at one time had been suicidal had a huge effect on me. I understand why people would want to die. But he had so much going for him.

Not only had that happened, but at the new school I attend, well, let’s just say that they lack a lot of self control. Let it be said here and now that I will not allow myself to date ANYONE at this school. Anyways, this girl asked to look at my phone. I was like okay why not. She won’t do anything. WRONG! She started looking through my messages. I go, “What the heck! Don’t look through my messages!” She replies, “What you do sexting or something?” I said incredibly sarcastically, “Oh yeah. Cause I’m so like that.” I thought she would just leave it at that. No. Instead she texted to of my really good guy friends. One she said “heyy sexy” and the other she said “I want to be on you.” The first one, yeah it was inappropriate, but it was kinda funny. The second one wasn’t. It made me so mad and hurt. I couldn’t understand why anyone would do that. I still don’t.

Everything from the past couple of weeks has cleared up though. My days have been getting better. I must say that I would not have survived all of this without two youth groups that care about me and people who care as well. I have learned a few things these past few weeks. One, I must grow up. It’s time to quit being a child. I have two years before college. It’s not much longer before I join the world of adults, and I will be treated as a child if I act like one. Two, you can’t trust people you don’t know. Period. Whether or not they go to your church or school, you can’t trust them until they have actually earned your trust. Third, driving looks fun, but it’s dangerous. You have to pay attention the whole time. And lastly, no matter how pissed off at God you are, He’s never far from you. He loves you more than you can imagine. So I guess I’m going to be going. I hope I can convince myself to blog more often ha ha!

“When I go down, I lift my eyes to you. I won’t look very far ’cause you’ll be there with open arms to lift me up again.” ~Relient K “When I Go Down”

Some old quotes

“It is a brave act to despise death; but where life is more terrible than death, it is the the truest valor to dare to live”

“Solitary trees, if they grow at all, grow strong”
- Sir Winston Churchill

“The future is not what matters… what matters is being able to dream of a future”

I really like these quotes. They remind me that no matter how awful life seems to be, to keep pressing on. Also,  you always need your friends to help you. So…I guess that’s it.

Something that needed to be said.

You’re hurt and scared

Honey don’t be afraid

Just think of everything God has made.

Oh wait, I see

you’re mad at him

Why on earth do you blame him for other’s sins?

Since when has He ever deserved

This judgment you have cast upon him.

Let’s see, you think I’m a perfect human being?!

Well honey let me fill you in

On ever piece of filth I have ever made in my life

Suicide

Razors

Getting high

Starving myself

Being a whore

Do you really think that I am naive?

Or ignorant of everything?

Honey, if anything, you’re the one that’s too blind to see

That his love surrounds us in the darkest of places.

His love is deeper than the ocean basins.

His love extends over continents and space

From the desert to the hole in the wall

He loves and sees all.

He knows how you feel

He says so in his word.

Keep your chin up

You’ll get through it dear.

Life throws you things that hurt

But really, when you get up from the dirt

You  see you really weren’t in that bad of a place after all

Just when you fell, you thought you couldn’t get up.

God loves you.

Look at what he’s done for you and me

And maybe you’ll see

That in the end, this will all be a memory.

Honey, I know things are hard and it hurts. It hurts a lot. But you WILL get through this. He helped you once before, why wouldn’t he help you now? Don’t worry, you’ll get through it in one piece.

To Write Love On Her Arms

On November 13th, is will be To Write Love On Her Arms Day. I don’t know about you guys, but I am definitely doing it. But what is To Write Love On Her Arms? And Why should I support it? Isn’t it a “freak thing”?

To Write Love On Her Arms started when a girl named Renee needed to go to rehab for addictions to cocaine and cutting. She couldn’t get in because the coke was still in her system and the scars on her arms were not beginning to heal yet. They weren’t sure if she would live through detox. An acquaintance named Jamie wanted to post her story on myspace and make tee shirts to raise money for her to go to rehab. Surprisingly, many people saw  her story and were able to relate to it. If you are struggling with an addiction, whether it be cutting, drugs, sex, or even something that seems silly like food(not that eating disorders are silly), shopping, or even technology, YOU ARE NEVER ALONE! I can assure you there are people who are suffering through the same thing you are. Don’t be afraid.

Now, the whole thing about it being a “freak thing,” I’ve actually been asked this question. To put my emotions mildly, I was mad. No it’s not a freak thing. Addictions are serious. TWLOHA is usually known as a cutter’s organization, but it’s also for addictions. And if you’ve ever seen anyone battle a serious addiction, it’s not only scary, but really saddening. It hurts that you can’t help this person! And if it’s you that’s going through the addiction, again, there is someone (or someones) out there that are just like you. They might have not gone through the same things you have, but the pain is still there. If you are someone who is seeing someone you love going through an addiction, love them even if you don’t agree. To love someone as you love yourself is the greatest commandment. It requires more than a feeling; it requires a choice. The choice is yours. Will you love them in spite of their faults, or will you watch them wither away because they are right. The person that they rely on the most really doesn’t love them. LOVE. Make the right choice. On November 13th, write love on your arms. Show love to others. All Day. Every Day.

http://www.twloha.com/

http://www.myspace.com/towriteloveonherarms

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=476749&id=1664171659#/pages/TWLOHA-To-Write-Love-On-Her-Arms/207297905122?ref=nf

http://www.aa.org/?Media=PlayFlash

http://www.na.org/

If you or someone you love are struggling with some of these addictions, please check out the links. If not, please google it or something. Your lives and the lives of your loved ones are worth so much more.

~Liz

Romans 12:2

Romans 5:2-5

James 1

Lamentations

Psalms

All I Know

All I know is I know nothing

I see in my life that I may be smart

but where does that bring me?

Knowledge is fleeting

Belief changes constantly

Emotions bring out the worst in me.

What am I to do?

What do I do when I no longer know?

All I know-I know nothing

All I want to know-all I want to know is you.

Yeah I know this doesn’t make much sense but it needed to come out <3